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Authentic Leadership and the vibrating Self

9/30/2019

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In this post, I share the 3rd Principle of the Authentic Leadership model - EMPATHIC RESONANCE

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

Little is left of Nikolas Tesla legacy to human kind. This quote, however, has become increasingly more meaningful as Astronomy, Physics and, particularly, Quantum Physics bring into light the hidden and still very much mysterious works of the sub-atomic particles that constitute our Universe. Physical reality, we now know, is composed by a constant energy flow, exchanged between particles vibrating at different frequencies.

Although the phenomenons observed at a quantum level are not perceivable by humans on a macro level, we can still easily realize how energy and vibration are fundamental principles working in and all around us.

One popular example is found in music. Sympathetic resonance or sympathetic vibration is a harmonic phenomenon where a vibratory body, such as a tuning-fork, responds to external vibrations of another tuning-fork to which it has a harmonic likeness.

In recent times, supported by discoveries in the Neurosciences field, the term Empathic Resonance has been brought into the forefront of the therapeutic relationship. The ability of the therapist to echo and feel into and together with his/her client is as important (if not more important) than the theoretical models and the technics employed during a therapeutic process. As obvious as this may sound for some, rarely we are trained to develop the ability to tune into ourselves and, from that place of emotional availability and vulnerability, connect with others.

To empathically resonate in the therapeutic process, first we need to be present to ourselves (the first Principle of our Authentic Leadership model). Bring into awareness how we feel and how our energy is flowing in our system. Then, we are able to connect with another human being, receiving his/her verbal and non-verbal communication as energy and information that will affect and influence our inner state. All emotions, feelings, physical reactions, images or memories that might surface in us are correlated to the relationship dynamic established in that moment and ALL of these responses are vital information enabling us to identify and experience what is being shared with us.

Empathic resonance is one of the most vital tools in interpersonal relationships and we need to trust it as valid information whether we receive and process it as positive or negative experiences within us. It is information that we can and should use when relating to the other person in the dyad because it will brings a deeper and more human understanding of the conflict, pain and chaos that they might be experiencing.

This innate ability to resonate with others is equally valid to any other context or form of relationship. In corporate trainings, we often find that this is the Principle that unblocks group dynamics heavily affected by conflicts because it brings in the human perspective and it opens us up to the vulnerability of others.
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All human interactions create resonance or dissonance. Our inner state influences and is influenced by others whether we are conscious of it or not. Connecting with someone might be inspiring, filling us with creative energy or it might drain us and sink us into depletion. Simultaneously, our individual and collective actions resonate with our planet and the state of our planetary ecosystem resonates back into us.

This brings self-responsibility, especially in a moment where we face one of the most serious humanitarian crisis and ecological breakdown.
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Authentic Leadership and the quality of Embodied Presence

9/29/2019

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Second Principle of the Authentic Leadership Model - EMBODIED PRESENCE

Being present, fully present to oneself is like coming home. It feels like the smoothing of the ocean waters after a violent storm. However, when we dig deeper we may recognize that being present to oneself is one of the biggest paradoxes of human consciousness. Let’s investigate why.

As babies, we soon start to develop a sense of self as we grow a stronger identification with our body-mind organism. This sense of self, based on memory, sensory perception, feelings and thought processes, acts like a frontier separating our inner world with the external reality which, in turn, reinforces our inner sense of individuality and separateness from the outer world.

Descartes famous quote, I think therefore I am, synthesizes this paradigm which fosters the entire western scientific knowledge and belief system. We like to think we are in full control of our minds, of our actions and even of our bodies.

Nonetheless, when we actually tune in with ourselves, we may acknowledge two experiences that contradict this assumption:

First, we spend most of our time focused on the outside, entertained with all the stimulus the world has to offer plus the relational, social and professional solicitations that we constantly face. What we sacrifice is a deeper sense of self-awareness. Of course, except in extreme cases, we never lose completely our sense of self. We are certain of who we are, what we are thinking and doing but can we actually say that we are present to what is going on in and around us? Most of the time, we cannot.

Our mind functions like a little monkey in a tree jumping from branch to branch. It jumps to the past, recalling pleasant or unpleasant situations in order to predict and control future events or jumps to the future fantasizing about something rewarding or, instead, anxiously anticipating what is still to come.

Secondly, how challenging it actually is for us to stay in the moment. Besides the fact that we seldom invite ourselves to experience the present moment, when we actually try to do so, it is extremely difficult to stay there - here - for more than just a few seconds. So, we may conclude from experience that
(1) the quality of Presence is constantly shifting and
(2) an enhanced state of Presence is very volatile.
This is the paradox, although we have a constant sense of being, we rarely invite ourselves to actually connect with… ourselves.

But why is Embodied Presence so vital for us?

To be present to one self is to bring into awareness how we are feeling at any given moment. To acknowledge our inner world is the first and most fundamental step when relating with someone because it will play a role on how we will send out our message.

As relational beings, many if not most of our conflicts find their root in (mis)communication. Part of this can be explained by a lack of awareness on how we are communicating. By disconnecting with our inner world, we often relate with others from an aggressive, judgmental or emotionally detached place. It is not what we are saying but how we express it- with our bodies, facial expression, voice tone - that is received by others as disconnected or even harmful.

As therapists, we know the importance of first attuning with ourselves before relating to our clients but this is valid for every kind of relationship. When talking to our loved ones, addressing our work peers or doing a public presentation, we should acknowledge how we are feeling in that moment, notice the tension or the relaxation in our bodies, where is our energy moving and where it is not, how are we breathing, how do we feel and how do we perceive the receiver(s) of our message.
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Only by tapping into this, can we consciously shift it and attune to a more centered and grounded state of being. The way we will communicate will be adjusted to our intention which in turn, will have a positive impact in the people we interact with.
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Authentic Leadership and the Sacred Space

9/28/2019

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The Sacred Space is the first Principle of six that constitute the Authentic Leadership Model presented by me and my colleague and partner, Nuno Salema (www.nunosalema.com).

Rituals are as old as our species. Since the dawn of time, human beings have created rituals to connect with nature, to access the spirit world, relate with the unknown and to celebrate life and its renewal.
Over the millennia, these rituals evolved into culture, religion and art but their purpose remained the same, to enable men and women to transcend themselves and connect with higher realms.

With the progress of the western culture, our civilization lost the connection with the roots of these rituals. Boys and girls no longer experience initiation ceremonies into adulthood, religious rituals are often disconnected from their original meaning and some (if not most) of artistic expressions became conceptual and mind-centered thus losing its transformative power and magical essence that was experienced in the so called primitive cultures.

In our Authentic Leadership Model, we consider to be of the most importance to relinquish the essence of the ritual as one of the Principles that shapes an authentic relationship with ourselves and with others.
Talking specifically about the therapeutic relationship, the importance of the ritual has two complementary intentions.

First, it creates safety.

With every client, we sign a therapeutic contract that sets specific times and dates of our sessions. We make clear what are the rights and the obligations of both the therapist and the client. The location, duration and purpose of the sessions is determined and the objectives of the therapy are agreed upon.
All this procedure gives a work frame, it promotes clarity and reinforces predictability which are essencial for the client to feel safe to embark in a challenging journey which a therapeutic process always is.

Secondly, after this work frame is established, comes the deeper connection with the symbolic importance of the ritual.

In our sessions, we invite people to take off their shoes and leave them outside our working room. Jackets, bags, phones and so on also stay outside. In an unconscious way, we are inviting our clients to step into a different space that is symbolically separate from our daily busy and hyperactive lives. By leaving these objects outside the room the person is stripped from this superficial layer of self-identification.

In our case, at the beginning of each session we light a candle, say a little prayer asking for guidance and then attune with our clients by breathing together, holding their hands and sharing our intention for the session. This is our ritual and by doing so we wish to, together with our client, go from the ordinary world to an extraordinary space. Mircea Eliade speaks of it as leaving the profane space and reaching the sacred. It is in this sacred space that a deeper connection and relationship can develop.

The therapeutic setting is a very specific one but this quality of connection in an extraordinary space can be created and nourished in basically any form of relationship, starting obviously with yourself. We can promote this quality when interacting with our partners, as parents when relating to our children, as well as in our professional environment. It is certainly not achievable all the time and every time but in some moments it is crucial that we strive for this quality in relating.
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We invite you to be aware of what rituals you created to connect with yourself and others and to value their importance and meaning. In case you think you have no rituals, look closer. We all develop ways to connect deeper even when we are not fully aware of it and, in any case, you can always be creative and find (new) ways of nourishing this innate qualities in us.
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Authentic Leadership - Shifting the paradigm

9/27/2019

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Authentic Leadership is first and foremost about Self-empowerment. It is about connecting to our core qualities and trusting they can be expressed and shared with others. The uniqueness of our soul and of our life journey makes us all one and only human beings. No matter what we may think, judge or block in ourselves, the truth is that all of us have the creative potential to enrich our world.

So, why do we overthink before acting? Why do we judge ourselves so harshly, smothering our creative impulses and visions? Why do we block our self expression to a point that, when we actually express something, the original impulse is already so much transformed and filtered that all that comes out is a grey expression of ourselves?

We are blocking our originality, conforming to the norm, conditioned by what has been imposed on us by others. The “leaders” who come into our lives, people we look up to, wishing that some day we can be like them. Our parents, older siblings, uncles and family friends. Our teachers, the sports man and women we admire, the movie stars and the pop stars whose posters we stick to our walls in our teenage years.
These leaders are the politicians we see on TV, the millionaire entrepreneurs, the scientists, writers and so fourth.

We project into them an idealized image and are conditioned to believe that to achieve their status is either impossible or the result of a lot of sacrifice and hard work. As children, we are not inspired to connect with our natural born talents, we are not taught to connect with nature, to privilege play time over study time and we are led to believe that happiness will come through the sacrifice of our dreams and conforming to the reality of the real world built on career achievements and financial prosperity. Study, work, buy a car, own a house, retire and die. This is the mantra. We’ve seen our parents do it, as they have seen theirs, so we should comply to it as well.

In a moment where the politicians lack the courage to make a shift to save our existence in the planet, in a society where the school system is castrating the students originality and creativity, in a community where oppression (wether it is religious, sexual, doctrinal, racial, …) still rules over equal rights and freedom to self-express oneself, the shift has to come from within each one of us. It is about taking the self-responsibility of claiming what we long for the most, to manifest to manifest our deepest intentions and to lead through example so that others may feel inspired to undertake their journey.

Authentic Leadership is about coming forward with all of you. It’s about taking the risk of coming with your truth, your fears, your vulnerability and allowing yourself to be bigger than the small version of yourself that was imposed on you. It’s about connection to the whole and acting in a responsible way that will create a respectful and sustainable living in communion with all life forms. For those who already are in leadership roles, authentic leadership means to empower and support other people to achieve their full potential and coming into their own leadership.
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    Sophie de Lacaze &
    Nuno Salema

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